“Offering up Conjugal Relations

for Clergy and Those Who Have Had Abortions”

Short Reflection of Julia Kim of Naju, Korea

Praise be to Jesus! Praise be to the Blessed Mother!

Dear all, who are gathered here as good grains, I’m happy to be with you now! 

In 1980, when I was healed of cancer and came back to life, Julio, my husband, said, “I will dedicate you to the Lord 50%.” But on June 30, 1985, when the Blessed Mother shed Tears for the first time, he offered me up to the Lord and the Blessed Mother completely, 100%. 

And on August 10, 1986, when we first moved into an apartment and had a couple’s bedroom for the first time, we offered up our conjugal relations for the Lord.

Dear all, you know of St. Lutgardis Lee, the famous virgin martyr of Korea. St. Lutgardis was married, but as you know, did not have any conjugal relations with her husband. They put up a line down the center of the room and the husband slept on one side, and the wife, Lutgardis, on other side.

In case of Julio and I, we had four children. Julio, when he was 44 years old, slept in the same bed with his wife, without holding hands or making bodily contact for 1 year. We even wore socks while sleeping to avoid accidentally touching each other's skin. Sometimes we slept with gloves on in case we touched each other’s hands.

I was fine doing this, but I was afraid that Julio would be sexually attracted to me again if by any chance I touched him. We lived like that for 1 year. As the mattress was so small in those days, we had to sleep close together. How hard it must have been for Julio, as he was in his prime?

When I could see that he was having a really hard time of it, I would ask him, “Is it too hard for you?” “If you were like such an ordinary wife I wouldn’t have had this hard time. But how good you have always been to me! That is why it’s difficult for me to offer it up,” he said. But he has offered it up gracefully.

Even though at the time I was not aware that it was happening, on November 1, 1986, the Lord showed me that some clergy were living so sinfully. But now most of the clergy have been more immoral, so it is really beyond description. I cannot tell you all the details now. So, for the clergy and for those who have had abortions, I have been offering up my sufferings.

I did not just offer up the pain. Whenever by chance my husband would be sexually attracted to me, I wished he might offer up his pain graciously while seeing my offering up. I offered up my suffering for the Lord and Blessed Mother, for the clergy and for those who have had abortions.

I lit a candle on the floor and then prayed in preparation from 8 p.m. You may know a ‘Dorco’ razor with blades on both sides. I put a razor blade over the candle flame and prayed, “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed are Thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.”

While I was slowly reciting 3 Hail Marys, the razor blade had already heated up because it was very thin. I didn’t do it quickly. After reciting the Hail Mary three times, the razor blade completely heated up through to the upper side. Then my fingers got burnt and turned white. Because it was too hot to hold, meditating on the Holy Trinity for unity, I held the burning blade with one unit of small toilet paper (11.5cm) but the paper also got burnt. Later on I found that all my fingers were burnt.

When I placed the razor blade on the candle flame reciting 3 Hail Marys, it all heated up. When I pressed it down on my flesh, it burnt with a crackling sound. I could strongly smell flesh burning.

While burning cross marks on my inner thigh with the heated blade, I prayed 7 Hail Marys, “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed are Thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.” I repeated this process 7 times for the horizontal line of the cross.

While heating the razor blade over the candle flames, slowly offered up another 3 Hail Marys. “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed are Thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.”

While pressing the hot blade down hard on my thigh to make the cross line, I prayed another 7 Hail Marys. “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed are Thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.”

I repeated this process seven times for the vertical line of the cross. To create one cross at my thigh, I repeated these seven times for each line. I made seven crosses on each thigh, meditating on the Seven Sorrows and Seven Joys of the Blessed Mother and the Seven Sacraments. I made a total of 14 crosses. Seven crosses for one thigh, and another seven on the other.

I kept praying and meditating on the 14 Stations of the Cross by remembering Golgotha hill where Jesus walked each time I made one cross. Consequently, I offered up 140 Hail Marys in total to complete one cross. Hence, I offered up 1,960 Hail Marys in total to make 14 crosses on my thighs.

I could strongly smell flesh burning. I came out of the room after 7 a.m. to help Julio get ready to go to work. I showed Julio what I had done to myself. It was to help him to no longer have any sexual attraction in me at all. I strongly smelt of burning flesh since I burned myself for 10 hours. So I said to Julio, “Julio, I burned my flesh by offering myself up.” I also showed him the razor blade that I had used. He said, “Oh my! Your spirit of sacrifice is great!” and said to me, “Let me try to offer up with more determination.”

If my husband hadn’t agreed with it, I couldn’t have done it. Whenever he saw the crosses on my thighs, how could he approach me? I was sorry for Julio, but there are so many people who have had abortions, and also the Lord showed me a vision of the degraded clergy.

While thinking on it, I offered our conjugal relations to Jesus. Jesus said, “My little simple and kind baby! You console My wounded heart. Through your horrendous sufferings, I will deliver tens of thousands of aborted fetuses up to Heaven, who now resent their parents in limbo.”

If anyone of you here have aborted your babies, please offer them up. Then your aborted babies in limbo will be raised up to Heaven now! Amen!

After I offered up the pain of making burn marks on my skin, all the burned area festered and discharged bloody pus. But I never applied any ointment. (It took 3 months for the wounds to partially heal and 5 months for them to be healed completely.) If I had of applied ointment, it wouldn’t have been a penance. So I didn’t even apply ointment to my hands, but I continued working including cooking. Yet I was so delighted.

Dear all, let us not be too sensitive to trivial pains but offer them up graciously. Thank you. I love you so much. I love you, offering up my life entirely for you!

♬I will live the life of forgiving others now. I will live the life of forgiving others now. I will live my day by day in forgiving others. I will live the life of forgiving others now.

I will live the life of rejoicing now. I will live my day by day in rejoicing. I will live the life of rejoicing now. Amen!