I was sentenced to death after seven years of suffering

Julia Kim's Short Reflection

After my vision of a big chunk of gold entering me, this marked the beginning of my suffering. I am the daughter-in-law of the 13th eldest grandson from the head family. My grandmother-in-law said, “You must not go to church. If you try going to church, your grandfather will never let you go to church even after he dies.” So I went to the Catholic Church secretly. One day, I prepared my white hanbok (Korean traditional clothing) to be baptized the next day.

I had never missed daily Mass when I was a catechumen in 1973, and I always attended Mass on Saturdays and Sundays too. That year was said to have the heaviest snowfall in a long time. The next day was my baptism, but I was told to leave quickly as my grandfather had died in the countryside.

At that time, the Church would conduct baptisms only twice a year—on Easter and Christmas. I was supposed to be baptized on Easter, and I said to the priest, “Father, I must be baptized, but what should I do with my grandfather’s death? I have to be baptized, but can I not go?” He said, “Oh, since you’re so faithful, go ahead, then I’ll baptize you during one of the Masses when you return.”

However, I remembered my grandmother-in-law’s words: “You must not go to church. Even after your grandfather dies, he will still not allow you to go to church.” Her words were planted like seeds in me. I could not go to church anymore, even though I had never missed daily Mass and gave love offerings on Saturdays and Sundays.

Although I could not receive Holy Communion, I had gone to church joyfully with Semchigo, as if I received the Eucharist, but I began to be scared of going to church from that day. Ever since then, I started to fall sick and was continuously ill for seven years.

Those seven years were a nightmare for me, and things that seemed impossible in this world happened to me. I had surgery, and three months later, gauze came out from my abdomen. On one occasion, when I was pregnant, a doctor claimed that my fetus had died in my womb. He bound me up and then performed a forced abortion on me. Thirteen days after the abortion, my placenta was discharged.

It would take too long to list everything that happened. I suffered from many illnesses and tried everything medically possible, but I could not get better. My blood pressure measured 40–50 mmHg, signifying near death, and it never went back up.

The colorectal cancer cells had spread throughout my body, even outside my anus. There was no part of my body—from head to toe—that did not hurt. I could not stand, sit, or lie down. Even though I was not in a vegetative state, wherever my living body touched the ground, it hardened, so someone had to roll me and massage me.

Medical advancements were not what they are today. Dying people stayed at home because hospitals would discharge them prematurely. Since my anus was completely clogged, I could not defecate. The doctor could not perform a colostomy because my blood pressure was too low. My bodily functions were completely deteriorating, and my hormones were degraded, preventing surgery. The hospital eventually said, “We did our best. You go home and eat some nice food.” That to me was a death sentence.

Thereafter, the hospital would not admit me anymore. Whenever I went for visits, they would send me off as quickly as possible. As my final days approached, I prepared myself for death. When all hope was gone, God called me to the Catholic Church. While preparing for my death, my husband came in and said, “Honey, let us go to a Catholic Church today.” So I followed him and met a priest. I asked the priest, “What did I do wrong, Father, to deserve drinking from this bitter cup?”

I said this because I had helped the poor since childhood. Although I lived uncomfortably, I always hoped others would be happy. Even when I was starving, I offered my meals to the hungry and helped poor neighbors. I gave up my clothes to dress many beggars. In those days, beggars were everywhere, and I fed them all, practicing Semchigo (as if I had eaten already).

I lived such a life of goodness, yet I had to face death. So I asked the priest, “Why should I drink this bitter cup?” This was a cup of death. After hearing my story, the priest said, “Madam, you are favored with grace through your body. I am not granted such grace.”

The priest was a young man in his first year, with no charismatic gifts, assigned to the Naju parish just after military service. However, I took his words as those of the Lord and Mother Mary, responding with “Amen!” On returning home, I felt hopeful. My body, which was as cold as ice, became warm through the Holy Spirit.

I decided to go to the Catholic Church to get some religious articles. I placed Mother Mary’s statue on the chest of drawers and prayed. On the third day after I went to the Catholic Church, I heard Jesus’ voice—the same voice I had heard from Heaven in 1973.

“Remain close to the Bible. The Bible is My living word.” Immediately, I stood up and opened the Bible. I found these words in Luke 8:40–53. A woman who had been suffering from hemorrhage for 12 years was healed through her faith that she would be healed if she only touched the hem of Jesus’ clothes. Jesus said, “Woman, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

In the same passage, the 12-year-old daughter of Jairus had died, and Jesus said, “Do not be afraid, just believe. Your daughter will come to life.” Amen! After reading these passages, I accepted them with “Amen” as the words given to me. “Your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” And “Do not be afraid, just believe. Your daughter will come alive.” Grace will be granted to you today by responding with “Amen” to those words!

Since my childhood, the Lord has trained and prepared me as His instrument. By experiencing pain ourselves, we better understand the pain others are suffering. God placed me into the furnace of sufferings from childhood until 1980 to form and purify me.

Those of you who feel you have many sufferings in life—God permitted them because they are necessary for you. Our God sometimes allows His beloved children to endure painful trials because He needs them as His instruments. Let us meditate on this and respond with “Amen” to the Lord today. When you open the door of your heart wide and rush to the Lord and Mother Mary, the door of Heaven will be opened to you, and all blessings will be granted to you.

The door of Heaven has already been opened at the Naju Shrine. Here, God blesses us, as do Jesus and Mother Mary. Even now, all the saints and angels bless us. They accompany us. Jesus and the Blessed Mother accompany us by shedding Their Blood, and now all the saints also accompany us by shedding their blood on the Way of the Cross. If you respond with “Amen” today, you will be cured of the diseases of the soul and body!